Crap Rock Since 2003
“THEY SHAT IN MY EAR”
— Mel Gibson
“WOULD MAKE A HORSE PUKE”
— Reader's Digest
“PROPER C***S”
— Archbishop of Canterbury
Yecrap are not currently touring, rehearsing, or trusted around hired audio equipment. This website exists as a public archive of the early-2000s Crap Rock movement they accidentally started.
Formed in Southend.
Misunderstood everywhere else.
Yecrap emerged from the collapsing remains of several terrible bands, a stolen rehearsal slot, and an amp that only worked when kicked.
Local journalists later called it Crap Rock. The band misunderstood this as praise and built an entire identity around it.
What followed was a brief but deeply inconvenient period of pub gigs, homemade flyers, broken gear, poor recordings, and complete confidence unsupported by the material.
The people responsible
A badly maintained archive of founders, members, helpers, collaborators, and those caught nearby.
Founder Members
The original offenders. Present at the birth of Crap Rock and somehow allowed to continue.
Founder / Drums
Arghhhh
Arghhhh was less a frontman and more a public safety incident with microphone access. Known for entering rooms already shouting, he gave Yecrap its first recognisable sound: confusion, volume, and the distant impression that something important had gone wrong. In the earliest rehearsals, Arghhhh treated lyrics as optional debris, preferring barks, howls, half-remembered phrases, and noises usually associated with collapsing sheds. Despite this, or possibly because of it, he became the spiritual face of Crap Rock. His stage presence was confrontational, unpredictable, and physically difficult for pub landlords to insure. He had an incredible ability to make three people in a room feel like a disorderly crowd, mostly by pointing at them and accusing them of not understanding art. Nobody was ever entirely sure whether Arghhhh was joking, angry, inspired, injured, or all four at once. His contribution to Yecrap cannot be overstated: he made the band feel dangerous even when they were simply late, badly tuned, and arguing about leads. Some say he invented Crap Rock by accident. Others say he just shouted until everyone gave in.
Founder / Lead Vocals
Ghostface Breakyalegs Dog Killer
Ghostface Breakyalegs Dog Killer brought to Yecrap the kind of energy normally reserved for villains, unpaid parking attendants, and people who own too many cymbals. His name alone was enough to make promoters pause, but his playing confirmed their concerns. He approached rhythm as a hostile negotiation, rarely agreeing with the tempo and never apologising for it. In the early Crap Rock years, Ghostface became famous for filling every available space with unnecessary force, turning simple songs into endurance tests for both audience and equipment. Yet beneath the chaos was a strange discipline: he always arrived knowing exactly where the song should collapse. He had a gift for making bad ideas sound intentional and intentional ideas sound like police evidence. Bandmates described him as reliable in the sense that storms are reliable; you knew something was coming, you simply hoped the roof would hold. His legacy within Yecrap is huge, frightening, and mostly dented. Without him, the band may have been merely poor. With him, they became hazardous.
Founder / Guitar
Filth
Filth was the thick, sticky layer at the bottom of Yecrap’s sound. As a founder member, he understood that bass was not simply an instrument but a geological event. His playing seemed to arrive from beneath the floorboards, bringing with it the smell of old carpet, warm lager, and long-term structural damage. Filth rarely chased attention, mostly because attention was already trying to avoid him. Instead, he stood in the corner, locked into something resembling a groove, and quietly dragged every song into a swamp. Other bands had basslines; Yecrap had suspicious vibrations. Filth’s genius was in making the entire operation feel heavier, dirtier, and less legally defensible. He claimed to be influenced by classic rock, punk, and a tumble dryer full of bricks, though nobody ever established in what order. During gigs, his expression rarely changed, which gave him an unsettling authority over the nonsense happening around him. If Arghhhh was the alarm and Ghostface was the impact, Filth was the stain left afterwards.
Founder / Keys
Slug Boy
Slug Boy was Yecrap’s resident architect of slow damage. Where other guitarists chased speed, precision, or beauty, Slug Boy pursued the noble art of sounding like a wardrobe being pushed down a staircase. His riffs were heavy, sticky, and faintly damp, moving through songs with the speed and menace of something found behind a pub fridge. As a founder, he helped define the Crap Rock guitar language: simple shapes, ugly tones, and the absolute refusal to stop once a bad idea had begun. Slug Boy possessed a mysterious confidence that made even wrong notes feel like accusations. He was known for staring at his amp as if it had personally betrayed him, then making it pay in public. His contribution to Yecrap was essential because he gave the band weight without sophistication, power without polish, and hooks that clung to the listener like chewing gum on a boot. Fans remembered him not for solos, but for the moment every song became thicker, worse, and somehow more convincing.
Founder / Manager - Triangle - Rainstick
Derek
Derek was the member who made people briefly wonder whether Yecrap might actually know what they were doing. This illusion never lasted long, but it was important while it held. As a founder, Derek brought a rare and troubling hint of competence to the room. He could tune, count in, remember arrangements, and identify which cable was making the noise, all abilities that made him both useful and deeply suspicious to the others. Derek’s presence gave the band structure, though he often looked like a man regretting the structure he had provided. In rehearsals, he acted as translator between chaos and song, patiently explaining that bridges, endings, and volume controls were not bourgeois myths. On stage, Derek supplied the stabilising force that allowed Yecrap to sound almost deliberate for several seconds at a time. His tragedy was that he understood enough music to know exactly how bad things were, yet stayed anyway. For that alone, his place in the CrapRock Hall of Fame is secure.
Founder / Backing Vocals
Diamond CyberWhore
Diamond CyberWhore arrived in Yecrap like someone had fired a glitter cannon into a skip. Equal parts spectacle, sabotage, and questionable branding decision, Diamond brought visual danger to a band already causing audio distress. As a founder, they understood that Crap Rock was not just something you heard; it was something you had to explain to your family afterwards. Their contribution was style without permission, attitude without evidence, and a commitment to making every gig look like the final night of a venue that had stopped checking health regulations. Diamond had an instinct for turning cheap materials into iconic nonsense: torn fabric, fake leather, electrical tape, mystery sunglasses, and expressions of complete contempt for subtlety. Musically, they added texture, backing chaos, and the sense that something theatrical might happen even when nothing had been planned. They helped Yecrap become more than a band; they made it an incident with branding. If the others supplied the noise, Diamond supplied the warning label, the lighting problem, and the aftertaste.
Members
Those who served, suffered, occasionally rehearsed, and later claimed it was character building.
Percussion
The Oddity
Contributed noise, confusion, and at least one bad decision.
Lead Guitar
Plom Gravey
Short description goes here.
Bass
Toss the boss
Image still being produced.
Dancer
Dead Drunken Dancing Jim Morrison
Image still being produced.
Guitar
Pimmy Jage
Image still being produced.
Guitar
Guitar Pete
Image still being produced.
Guitar
Ad
Image still being produced.
Bass
Tom Tom Bass
Image still being produced.
Guitar
J The Awfulizer
Image still being produced.
Bass
Luke
Image still being produced.
Guitar
James
Contributed noise, confusion, and at least one bad decision.
Personnel
The wider ecosystem of enablers, witnesses, helpers, and people who should have walked away sooner.
Road Crew
Ski
Carried amps incorrectly since 2004.
Manager
Sir Ian Sidious
Made every venue louder and somehow worse.
Security
Liam
Image still being produced.
Style Advisor
Collete
Responsible for at least one electrical fire.
Inflatable Groupie
Gail
Responsible for at least one electrical fire.
Inflatable Groupie
Window
Responsible for at least one electrical fire.
Head Groupie
Blue Staring Head
Carried amps incorrectly since 2004.
Audio-visual evidence
Photos, flyers, rehearsal footage, archive clips, and materials still under investigation.
Wear the mistake
Black tees, orange splats, stickers, posters, and garments your family will quietly dislike.